How the thought of cancer affects me

The last few days have been tenuous for me and my family. Over the weekend I had to bring my mom in to the emergency room for lightheadedness and other symptoms that require medical attention. Over the course of 2 days, assessments have indicated internal problems. Whether you are a cancer survivor or the family member of a cancer survivor, anything worse than the flu can send you into worrisome thoughts about cancer.

My first thought, "please don't let it be cancer." I hung on every word the doctors said. I copied down terminology and conditions that they spewed. I googled or researched each term. "What are the symptoms?" "What are the causes?" "What's the treatment?" To call medicine a science, I sometimes really wonder. It's not a science per se...it's an art. Yes, they know all the names of conditions, symptoms, and technical terms...but when it comes to the bottom line, can they get the differential correct the first time? That's the art.

Last year, I ended up having some surgery. Let's just say, symptoms caused me to go to the doctor. What started out as one thing, ended up in the removal of a lymph node for me. Detrimental? Not highly, but the art in determining my problem was missed by two doctors...yup credentialed and all. My biggest worry was whether or not they were going to diagnose correctly...because the power of the internet gave me the ability to look up what I had potentially. Guess what? Cancer was in there as one of the choices.

Just knowing my mom is a survivor makes me that much more paranoid when things happen to me. A good friend of mine is a cancer survivor. She has attempted to put cancer out of her mind and now I understand to some degree...why.

So today, we learn my mom does not have cancer...it's something else...but what? A two to three day wait is now required for the results from the biopsy. I pray it is nothing serious.

But in the end, look what cancer has done to me. I think it no different than any other major life threatening event and how it affects peoples' lives. Am I scared of it? Sure. I hope to avoid cancer and as many other similar problems in my life.

That's why I fight. I fight the fight so maybe someday, just maybe...my children and children around the world will know a world where you don't have to worry about cancer.

~Andrew